"You'll never know it if you don't try!" She said
I tried you just don't know it.
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Can't. The sole word that plagues our archaic vocabulary:
I can't go, I'm busy.
I can't eat, I'm on a diet.
I can't swim, I don't know how.
I can't feel, because I don't know what to feel.
I can't finish the assignment, because I don't know how.
I can't keep living, I'm not good enough.
It's abominable how much restriction we put on our own selves, we hide in damp caves waiting, like wolves, to strike on whomever looms in our gossip. We tear down our walls by building ones for others, placing a cask of Amontillado for bait. We rake ourselves with our woe, and sorrows. We fail to cope. We fail to keep trying. We just fail. It's human nature, everyone does it. I'm lying in my wardrobe these days crying about my own self-pity and self-image and lack of self-actualization. I'm crying not because it hurts, but because you keep pouring eyedrops onto my eyelids.
I said I can't, and that's why I'm living a lie right now and that's why you thought I was kidding when I said "I'm not fine."
I think that we all misuse the word "Can't." I think the actual word is "Won't." Nothing is impossible, so why are we restricting ourselves as human beings? Is it because we're afraid of an outcome, or is it simply because we don't realize our full potential?
Life is complex, otherwise we wouldn't still be alive right now. It's a series of trials to complete. We float on to the end of a long path that winds trough mountains and valley, across rivers and plateaus, and forward, always forward -- I don't believe it's possible to move backward, we are always growing. Life is what you make of it. It's a series of society and culture telling ones existential self what to do and we are pounded, rained upon, until the downpour strikes us into a gutter, we being so pummeled, we die. So it isn't about completing the challenges, it's about who can survive the longest. Survival of the fittest. The most pretty and the most inspiring make it to the top and crush their underlings of opponents. The concept of life gets shadowed and shattered by governments and friends and family. It all happens under a blanket and people are lead to believe what they are told to, and re-re-think what they are meant to be. They are told to understand that they can't. Why? Because they won't. But why? Because someone said so. Not because they don't believe it themselves, but because others are teaching them they aren't allowed to tap their full potential.
So what really is life? It's a series of opportunities. We can open the door presented, or say, "I Can't"
Love,
Sarah
